Caring for an Aging Parent from a Distance

In an ideal situation, our aging parents would live with us or nearby, so that caring for them would be easier. However, for some people that’s not possible or feasible. About 15 percent of caregivers in the U.S. live more than an hour’s drive from the person they are caring for. 

Long-distance caregiving arrangements involve extra time and money because of travel. If you are a long-distance caregiver, or are expecting to become one, we’ve put together some strategies and tips you can use. Our goal is to help make long-distance care giving less difficult and offer you greater peace of mind.     

Build a Care Team

Assembling a good care team is one of the most important things to do in long-distance caregiving. Sharing caregiving tasks among team members keeps the burden from falling too heavily on a single person. Involving local people on the team provides multiple eyes and ears for you, the long-distance caregiver. 
Members of the team may be relatives, friends, and neighbors of your parent. The team should also include your parent’s health care providers and people in the community who interact with your parent on a regular basis. The idea is to develop a network of people who can let you know about any problems or concerns and provide assistance when needed.

• Determine what you can do as a long-distance caregiver, and what others on the team can do.
• Let all team members know what their roles are.
• Coordinate activities of team members, such as driving to medical appointments, so that the team is covering all the bases.
• Set up a way for team members to communicate with you and other teammates, such as texts or email.
• Keep an up-to-date roster of team members with their roles and contact information.

Plan Your Visits

While having a care team can make long-distance caregiving much easier, it doesn’t replace the need for visiting your parent in person. Being in their home enables you to pick up on subtle clues that indicate how they are doing and what their needs are.

To get the most out of your visits, plan some activities ahead of time. For example, you can help with yard work or go shopping with your parent for items they want. Try to do things that they want to do and will find helpful. Not only do you get to spend time together, but it gives you an opportunity to see how well they’re able to move around. You’ll also be able to identify things they’re having trouble with. If your parent is still driving, riding along on short trips lets you see how they’re functioning behind the wheel.

• Budget for a certain number of visits per year, so that you’ll already have the travel money set aside.
• Talk with your employer about taking time off for visits and look into whether you’re eligible for leave under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act. 
• Create a plan for emergency or unexpected visits, which includes a list of what to bring, how you will get there, and where you will stay. This plan could also include things you need to do at your home to get ready for a trip, such as arranging for a pet sitter. Having this plan will help ensure you don’t miss things when you’re under stress during an emergency.

Make Use of Technology

In between visits, technology can do a lot to help you give care from afar. Some useful technologies that are available include:

• Teleconferencing apps like Zoom, Google Meet, and Skype allow you and other family members to see your parent during calls. You can also use these apps to communicate with members of the care team. If your parent has an Apple iPhone or iPad, the FaceTime app enables video calls.
• Texting to exchange quick messages with your parent (you may have to teach them how to use it).
• Remote patient monitoring devices, such as automated blood pressure cuffs, can help you track your parent’s health. Some devices can be synched to an app, which stores readings and shares data with family and physicians.
• Data collected on a smartphone through various wellness apps, such as walking steadiness, can be shared securely with caregivers. Information from smart watches and/or fitness trackers, such as heart rate data, can be added.
• Smart pill dispensers can help your parent organize their medications and take them on time. Some dispensers alert caregivers to missed doses.
• Telehealth can help your parent see their doctor without needing to arrange transportation.
• GPS trackers, attached to clothing or worn on the body, can let caregivers know their parent’s exact location in real time. Some trackers alert caregivers if a person leaves a selected area, such as their house, which can be useful if the parent has dementia and is prone to wandering.
• Personal emergency response systems can be used by the parent to call for help, in a situation such as a fall, when they are unable to get to the phone.
• Home monitoring systems use sensors to track what is happening the parent’s home, such as getting up to go to the bathroom. Caregivers are alerted if something unusual happens.       

While some of these technologies have been designed specifically for use with older people, other technology that is commonly used by all age groups can be helpful for long-distance caregivers.

• Grocery shopping services such as Instacart can be used by caregivers to buy groceries remotely for their parent and have them delivered to the parent’s home. Likewise, online restaurant delivery services can be used to order and deliver prepared meals. 
• Online financial services like PayPal can be used to remotely pay for services, such as television streaming. Many banks and credit card companies offer online access to accounts that a long-distance caregiver can use to manage and pay their parent’s bills.
• Smart thermostats can be used by long-distance caregivers to monitor and manage heating and cooling in their parent’s home.

Before using a technology in caregiving, you should discuss it with your parent and get their buy-in. In some cases, you’ll need written permission from your parent to access their financial accounts and health information.

Local Resources

Technology can greatly extend your reach as a long-distance caregiver, but don’t overlook local resources that can provide the personal touch. These include senior centers, where your parent can have a meal and visit with other seniors, and in-home assistance. Here are some resources available in Vermont.

• Area Agencies on Aging – five regional non-profit agencies providing services to older Vermonters 
• Meals on Wheels – home delivered meals and safety checks
• Vermont 2-1-1 – directory of aging and disability resources
• VNAs of Vermont - home health and hospice services
• Vermont Department of Disabilities, Aging and Independent Living – list of adult services
• Seniors Helping Seniors – in-home care services
• Homeshare Vermont – matching service for homesharing in parts of Vermont

Review and Revise

It’s important to remember that caregiving is not static. As your parent ages, their abilities and needs will change. Your situation as the long-distance caregiver may change as well. 

From time to time, review how well the long-distance caregiving arrangement is working and whether adjustments need to be made. You may need to add members to the care team, or use different technologies, to be sure that your parent is well cared for.

In this review, don’t forget to look at how long-distance caregiving is working for you. Consider whether you need additional support or if other team members can take over some of your responsibilities. Caring for a parent from afar can be a challenge and stressful. Be sure to keep yourself healthy, so that you can continue to be there for your parent.